Letters To My Younger Self- Girls

This is the second installment of this series.  If you want a little background, you can read the first installment here.

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Hey man,

    Over the next ten years or so, you are going to meet a lot of wonderful people, and have a lot of meaningful relationships with different girls.  I use the word meaningful intentionally.  Just because the relationship doesn't end in marriage, it doesn't mean there isn't a lot to learn from it.  The vast majority of the time I spent in dating relationships was spent trying to figure out if the qualities in the girl I was dating at the time, matched my expectations about what I thought I needed in a wife.  Though I couldn't see it at the time, there was a very specific pattern emerging.  I wanted more time to myself, and the girl I was dating wanted more time with me.  I was constantly trying to find someone who was completely independent, and didn't need me.  There is an error in this perspective; I know this now.  I'm going to paraphrase Bruce Springsteen here (I know you hate The Boss, but that will change).  In your heart there is a big golden throne, and as men, we want to remain on that throne.  It's comfortable there being king.  But as long as we refuse to give up that seat, we will never have any meaningful relationships.  This is a common factor in every relationship you will ever be in.  You need to realize that there are problems in every relationship.  But you need to pay attention and analyze which problems are specific to you current relationship, and which ones are caused by universal differences between men and women.  Once you realize that most of these problems are caused by biology, everything will become much simpler.  Hope that helps.  By the way, I just got married about a month ago.  Now I understand everything...

Jeremy

Comments

[Stefanie-Anne]

I totally understand what you mean about wanting more time to yourself. I struggle to find a balance between spending time with my boyfriend and having enough time to be productive outside of my job beyond things that I have to do like laundry and grocery shopping... but for the things that i love to do. I still don't have this figured out yet. For so long, I didn't know what interested me so I spent most of my time doing things I'm supposed to do like going to college, building my resume, etc. I feel like I'm so behind in developing the creative side of my life because i discovered them very late and have a full time job already and little free time. But, it's a work in progress! Excellent post :)

[elsie]

awe! this is GOOD.

[Charles]

Great post! Yet be careful with that "universal differences" between guys and girls ;)

What gets me most from the "time with yourself" perspective, is how today's [Western] culture frames us to idolize our selves and our identity and our projects more than anything, more than our relation to others. Plato and Ovide, back in the days (ways back) thought love was the initiator of civilisation. In order for guys to become an object of desire for women, they'd have to woothen their behaviour, make themselves more sensible. Key thing is, they'd be open to change, which was the noble way to relationships.

Today feels quite the opposite. People are easily looking for someone who already fits their expectations. Speaking of which, online dating is huge. And what is online dating, if not browsing through profiles, looking for someone who exactly matches your idealized type? But setting the "change" factor aside, most people are in for a surprise: how will they handle a relationship that gets serious and necessitates negociation and collaboration...? Divorce rates seem to confirm this resistance to getting off the golden throne.

[Charles]

Should read "Ovid" and "soothen".

[Kelly]

This is so lovely (:

[Belstaff Trialmaster Jacket]

That was my thought,too.